Disclaimer: This list is 100% NOT for children. I wouldn’t exactly say it’s for adults either, but it certainly is not for kids.
Watching Detective Pikachu the other day, I started thinking about what a world with Pokemon would really be like. It would be a horrifying hellscape fraught with danger. Thankfully, it’ll never happen unless that’s the virtual reality world you pick when The Matrix comes for you. Anyway, here are the top 5 Pokemon to take to a music festival if you pick the right simulation, I guess?
I decided to stick to the original 151 for this list as I doubt most people reading this know their Latios from their Latias.
Even if you don’t smoke, you’re gonna need a lighter at a music festival. Whether being asked for a light or keeping warm at night, you’re going to need a flame with which to ignite. So, why not pack the cutest fire-starter in the Pokeverse? From keeping your joints going with “Mo’ fire” to drunkenly starting campfires with ease, a Charmander is the perfect companion for keeping things, uh, lit.
One of the best parts of going to a music festival is getting to have unique conversations with interesting people. One of the worst parts of going to a music festival, however, is being stuck in a conversation you can’t get out of. For moments like this, there’s Ditto. To pull yourself out of the conversational vortex, distract The Talker by saying something like, “Hey, isn’t that Jeremy Loops?” Whilst they’re distracted, get Ditto to take your form, and then bolt into the nearest crowd of people.
Obviously don’t watch this if you want to avoid Detective Pikachu spoilers.
Ever since I was maced by Splashy Fen’s security because a City Bowl Mizer pissed on a car tire (for real), I’ve felt like having your own personal bouncer at a music festival might come in handy. Not only can a Machamp prevent drunk assholes and power-tripping security from fucking with you, but it also has two sets of shoulders to sit on so you and a partner will always have the best seats in the house.
2. Mr Mime
Hear me out: Imagine the dance routines. The precision. The synchronization. The absolute dancefloor domination. And as one of the few pokemon with thumbs, who better to help you bring back excessive drink orders from the bar to avoid having to wait in line all night? Not only that, but Mr. Mime can also put up an invisible box so you can ensure distance is kept social at all times.
If you’re ok with waking up with permanent marker all over your face, a Jigglypuff is a surefire way to make sure you sleep through your teenage tent-neighbour’s vigorous fucking after taking MDMA that turned out to just be meth. Hey, it happens, but Scar taught me as a kid to always be prepared.
So, that’s my list. What Pokemon would you take with you to a music festival and why?